How to Be Disciplined Without Being Psychotic

When we commit to creating positive change in our lives, we can sometimes get a little psycho about it. I believe in discipline as long as it doesn’t become another reason to stress out. In this video I talk about how we can find balance in our practice and be disciplined without being psychotic.

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  1. katie says: December 15, 2013 at 8:24 pm

    Congrats on making it though your cleanse! I’m not sure where I fall on the spectrum. I definitely set rules for myself and when I do I sick to them and go all out on them, but not sure where my tendency is….I will meditate on this a bit & get clearer! Thank you for another great topic to think about! love u!

    1. Clarisa Mompremier says: December 15, 2013 at 9:55 pm

      Meditation always brings me clarity.

    2. Heidi Symonds says: December 16, 2013 at 10:39 am

      I can be both psycho and lax. It depends on the topic. Setting strong intentions/boundaries and finding balance thru prayer and Grace is definitely the way for me to thrive. Creating structure, routine and rituals is how I stay centered. I have a really full tool box with things like yoga, EFT, qigong, clean eating, and self-care rituals, but often when I’m out of balance, I forget to use my took box. Sometimes I can’t even find my tool box! That’s why I have coaches like you to not only remind me of my tools, but help sharpen them as well! Thanks! #spiritjunkie

      1. Gabby says: December 16, 2013 at 2:42 pm

        structure is great for folks like us. i’m with you!

    3. Jamie makes 30 Promises to Happy! says: December 16, 2013 at 10:47 am

      So I made a commitment last night to wake at 4AM every day. My alarm rang at 4AM this morning and I negotiated my way back to sleep for another 2 hours. I woke up feeling so disappointed in myself… and into my inbox comes Gabby’s vlog. Shall I say timely? Books falling off shelves when you need them… Thanks!

      1. Gabby says: December 16, 2013 at 2:42 pm

        awesome!

    4. Gabby says: December 16, 2013 at 2:41 pm

      thanks for sharing!

      1. julie says: December 16, 2013 at 10:21 pm

        I am comepletley relaxed when it comes to my commitment with sugar…I really don’t have issues with food or ocer eating, i don’t even drink soda, just wasn’t brought up that way, but I am a sugar, candy, chocolate addict…this vdeo makes m say, as i have thought in the past before too, that I really need to be as you and say to myself…i do not eat sugar, becasue i always relapse…

  2. Clarisa Mompremier says: December 15, 2013 at 9:54 pm

    Go gabby! Great job on cleanse. I’m def relaxed. And through my spiritual practices such as meditation for 21 days or a month I have been learning to stay committed. Right meat, soda are going to be nonnegotiable a…next any animals products. Desire a vegan lifestyle…and I’m slowly introducing veganism into my clothing. Great topic and it is important o identify whether you are too rigid or too flexible. Love watching you on your journey. Xoxo

    1. Gabby says: December 16, 2013 at 2:42 pm

      finding balance is fab.

  3. priya says: December 16, 2013 at 9:16 am

    Hello Gabby! Thank you for this video, it is really helpful!
    What do we do if we are at two extremes, either really relaxed or psycho about all things? I have always had an all or nothing approach in my life and it has caused me a lot of stress. What can we do to strike a balance as both can be bad? I have been falling more into the relaxed stage with discipline for all areas at the moment and the guilt that comes with not doing what I know I should do causes this to continue. But having a sense of forgiveness and self compassion causes me to ‘let myself off’ and allow my relaxed attitude.

    1. Dawn says: December 16, 2013 at 10:16 am

      I feel I am exactly the same way. I was really interested in this video because I have been trying to incorporate more daily spiritual and healthier routines; however, cannot seem to find that balance between doing all or nothing. Would love some suggestions on how to find balance as well! So wonderful you have stuck to your guns Gabby! Keep rockin!

    2. Gabby says: December 16, 2013 at 2:43 pm

      daily meditation will help you balance out the extremes.

  4. gustavo says: December 16, 2013 at 9:16 am

    God you’re hot Gabbie, it’s looking at you that makes me psychotic ;-)

  5. Amanda says: December 16, 2013 at 9:17 am

    Boy I took notes on this vlog this morning! Thank you for that beautiful, right on time message! I go through these emotional storms & although I learn a lot from them and I can help people with my experiences… I get so stuck and frustrated with how I let myself go into “psycho” so quickly when one thing sets me off. It’s a scary and gross energy to be in and I am so ready to learn how to not respond like this. And it only shows up in my relationship. So… Thank you! Satnam!

    1. Gabby says: December 16, 2013 at 2:44 pm

      sat nam!

  6. ian says: December 16, 2013 at 9:22 am

    yeah let go and relax. that’s what I say. cheers mate

  7. Caroline Frenette Intuitive Leadership Coach says: December 16, 2013 at 9:25 am

    Love the title: How to be disciplined without being psychotic! LOL

    I wish I was a little more disciplined actually… although discipline doesn’t seem to work for me: I become rebellious!

    I have found however, that the more I do my daily yoga practice (even if it’s just for 15 minutes) the easier it is to make healthy life choices. Funny enough, for me, getting on the mat doesn’t take discipline. After 25 years of practice it’s now part of my lifestyle.

    1. Gabby says: December 16, 2013 at 2:44 pm

      yoga will serve you well.

  8. Kristen the 20-Something Breakthrough Coach says: December 16, 2013 at 9:28 am

    Great topic, Gabby! I’m definitely on the relaxed side of the spectrum, and lately I’ve been realizing that I need more discipline and structure in my life. I love the idea of setting non-negotiable rules, and I think I’ll use a close friend or two to provide some extra accountability as I’m building my “discipline” muscle.

    1. Gabby says: December 16, 2013 at 2:44 pm

      nice one. thanks for sharing

  9. Geneviève says: December 16, 2013 at 9:29 am

    I am definitely more on the psychotic side. I tend to be very hard on myself in pretty much everything I do in my life (work, food, exercise). Over the past few months, I am making an effort to have a bit more compassion for myself. If I feel tired one day, I give myself permission to either skip the gym or do a more relaxed workout and I don’t beat myself up over it. It’s not easy, but I’m getting there slowly. I have to understand that my value is not based on what I do. Thanks for this post Gabby. In our performance based society, we need a daily reminder that we should be kind to ourselves and to others.

    1. Gabby says: December 16, 2013 at 2:45 pm

      yes!!! be very kind to yourself and others. xo sat nam

  10. Jessica says: December 16, 2013 at 9:30 am

    Hi Gabby! I am way too relaxed. I lack any sort of discipline. I seem to have no motivation at all. I’m feeling pretty down this morning and just hearing your voice helps! Thank you for all you do!!

  11. Nancy says: December 16, 2013 at 9:31 am

    Hi Gabby,
    Love your new Vlog. I’ve gotten a little lax over the years and need to kick things up a notch. I really want/NEED to quit smoking. It’s a disgusting habit and it’s not me!!! I’m kind of a health nut…what am I doing? Anyway…prayers appreciated. I need to find the strength and discipline to stop.
    Thanks and love,
    Nancy

    1. Gabby says: December 16, 2013 at 2:45 pm

      sending you prayers… quit sister;)

  12. Sallie says: December 16, 2013 at 9:37 am

    Definitely much more on the side of “lax”. Going to work on the self-discipline! And pray for guidance. Interestingly, since I have dug into my own spirituality, the epiphany that my thoughts create my reality really hold true here. Whose fault is it if I know I need to be doing “xyz” but don’t? How can I remedy this? It all begins with my own thought patterns. And it is no one else’s fault but mine! So in fact, some more hard-and-fast rules will do me good.

  13. Nancy says: December 16, 2013 at 9:39 am

    Definitely relaxed, too relaxed !! It feels good to just recogize it and see that I’m not the only one struggling with that ! Thanks for this video !

    1. Gabby says: December 16, 2013 at 2:46 pm

      you’re welcome:) xo

  14. Laura says: December 16, 2013 at 9:42 am

    I am too relaxed an find I need to set solid goals. For example yoga challenges and cleasnse programs need to be followed by me with set guidelines. If I relax on set challenges then I am psychotic. Drinking is a big no for me but I do relax on that and pay the price of being out of line with physical and emotional distress. Need to be more goal driven wih my health coaching program. Will try praying about these things and sorting them out so I can meet goals. Seems like yoga is the only thing I can commit to doing regularly. I need to commit to more.

    1. Gabby says: December 16, 2013 at 2:47 pm

      those challenges are great for me too as a lax girl.

  15. Cathy says: December 16, 2013 at 9:49 am

    I am more lax and need to work on becoming more disciplined in certain areas. I like the idea of saying its a non negotiable and following through when u set a goal. I’m feeling disconnected and very anxious lately and been having urges to use (sober for 2 1/2 yrs) which I haven’t had in a long time. I think when my life is not organized and I’m not praying, meditating, exercising, keeping my house clean these issues come up for me. I’m going to get on track today n meditate and clean. Non negotiable. Thank u for the inspiration to get off my ass today

  16. Kelsey says: December 16, 2013 at 9:49 am

    I am lax to the max :) But truly, I am ridiculously nice to myself, which in most cases is fabulous, but it also holds me back when it’s time for me to be the instigator of change. I am excellent at signing myself up for classes or trips or adventures or positive change experiences and I definitely follow through 110% when there are outside structures, but when it’s just me (and now as a full time self employed entrepreneur it’s often just me) I find myself getting really excited about things and not always following through to the very end. Perfect time to change!! Thanks, Gabby. Much love. xoxo

  17. bianca says: December 16, 2013 at 9:51 am

    I am psycho in the fact that I say I have to write every day and relaxed in the fact that I don’t :) Excuses vary, such as work, other school respibsibilities and considering the fact that I’m in a relationship and can’t completely ignore him. Still, I would like an equal balance of writing a little bit every day and then not being psycho and stressing that I don’t have a Pulitzer Prize yet. Thank you you’re so sweet!

  18. Stephanie says: December 16, 2013 at 10:01 am

    I am SUCH a psycho/extremist! I always set extreme rules and goals and never quit or compromise. Yoga (and my amazing partner!) has taught me to approach life and my wellness journey with ‘ahimsa’. Practicing with non-violence to yourself and others. I am learning to approach any wellness venture with a mindfulness of my body and what it says throughout the change or challenge I am putting it through. It is hard to not be obsessive when you think you are doing something good for yourself! Thank you for this awesome post, love the topic!

  19. Jessica says: December 16, 2013 at 10:02 am

    Definitely lax! Working on following my own rules now. In fact it’s one of my new year resolutions!

  20. DJ says: December 16, 2013 at 10:03 am

    Thank you for another pertinent topic for us Spirit junkies.
    Congrats on your cleanse. I truly appreciate your gift to us immensely, for you have helped me so much this year.
    Sat Nam.

  21. Candi Canncel says: December 16, 2013 at 10:17 am

    Gabby- Thank you for all your fabulous wisdom! I love you! I also really love the necklace that you are wearing. I’ve been admiring it for ages. Who is the designer? I’ve been looking for something like that as a talisman and It’s so beautiful. Please let me know. xox

  22. Andrea says: December 16, 2013 at 10:17 am

    oddly enough I am both ! I can have laser focus for one thing and then suddenly lose interest and need a “pick-me-up” to get back to the task at hand. I do thankfully, always complete the task ! Thank you for these awesome VBolgs!

  23. Julie says: December 16, 2013 at 10:55 am

    I am way way way relaxed, and not disciplined at all. Today I am starting yoga and will use what you just taught me to stick with it!

  24. Ashley says: December 16, 2013 at 10:55 am

    Great topic! I’m too relaxed and need more discipline. And I think I have a lot of resistance toward committing to a regular routine. I hope to work on this and come up with a good routine that works for me. Thanks for your help and inspiration as always! Sat nam. :)

  25. Amanda Densten says: December 16, 2013 at 10:57 am

    Congrats! On getting through the cleanse and definitely need to have more non-negotiable rules, especially meditation, gratitude journal & yoga. I’ve been letting myself off the hook too much by either making excuses and having a cold the past few days. One step at a time and I can meditate on my way home tonight :) I’m sending big Thanks! for this topic Gabby!! :)

  26. Nicole @theWardrobeCode says: December 16, 2013 at 11:01 am

    I *wish* I was on the psychotic side – but I’m definitely more ‘lax about stuff. I like the idea of making “non-negotiables,” but I also like the idea of making a written contract with myself to review every morning for the duration of any goal.

    Great video!

  27. Shel MacDonald says: December 16, 2013 at 11:09 am

    Great message today, I am the person who commits for a specific time, but then after I have put the time in I tend to revert back to my old ways. I appreciate the comments in being able to recognize my behaviours and plan to make them less sever. I will actively search for my balance!. Thank you :)

  28. Romy says: December 16, 2013 at 11:12 am

    Hi Gaby, thank you for your message. It’s interesting, because it sounds so simple, but we all know, it is not necessarily when you within your psycho or lax state…I am actually both, it’s mostly extremes…either I stick with it without giving myself room and driving myself to the edge of exhaustion, or I am super lax not following any rules…almost feels like I need to feel the extremes to feel anything. I think I could easily be an addict or control freak, its a daily struggle to be not..it doesn’t need to be hard drugs, TV, internet, food is enough for me to disrupt my life daily…anyway. Your message was much needed, since it seems currently i have lost all my discipline and fallen off my healthy clean and green wagon and don’t even exercise or meditate, which for an aspiring yoga teacher is quite a fall…I will go and pray right now. Wish me luck!

  29. Fiona says: December 16, 2013 at 11:22 am

    Totally lax!! Very good at letting myself off the hook! I definitely need non negotiable rules. That was the only way I stuck to a yeast free, dairy free diet for 8 months (intolerances) then life got very difficult and I got really relaxed about the dairy. Last week I rewrote my non negotiable ‘I don’t eat dairy’ rule and already my body feels better and my skin looks brighter xx

  30. tejas says: December 16, 2013 at 11:27 am

    Hey, I’m a guy and I watch your vlogs…just letting you know.

    Sometimes I do get a bit psychotic…up to the point where if somebody messes with me I feel as if I want to fight. I know that this is horrrrrribleeeeeeee, and that it causes people to dislike me. It’s just that with so many things going on in life, I think that people should be supporting one another, instead of overly criticizing others.

  31. tejas says: December 16, 2013 at 11:32 am

    P.S. Thank you for bringing this topic up. It has been in my head for a while, and you say psychotic in a manner that isn’t that serious (which really helps)..because when I think of a psycho I think of the band “the misfits” or a serial killer or something similar to that!

  32. Adrianne says: December 16, 2013 at 11:34 am

    Thank you so much for this! I’m the lax type but I fear becoming the psycho. Only now did I just realize this fear becoming an uncompromising non spontaneous person has kept me in this rut.. The rut of total lack of disciplined. Going to find ways to be balanced!

  33. Anne says: December 16, 2013 at 11:37 am

    What I got from the vlog, personally,is that it is important to make a distinction between things that are negotiable and non negotiable.I can be really focused on certain things at certain times but generally I am pretty relaxed.Prayer is vital to know,right from the start,what is what.You can’t be hardcore about everything all the time but certain things require total comitment and others don’t.

  34. Brynn says: December 16, 2013 at 11:53 am

    I never thought about using prayer for more discipline. Very interesting point that you don’t have to push so hard, you can just ask for it through prayer. Something I also learned through OA when learning about how to let go of food addiction.

  35. Jennifer Twardowski says: December 16, 2013 at 12:19 pm

    I’m more like you, Gabby — too relaxed and not too disciplined. There’s some things I can be disciplined with but with others it’s really hard to stay disciplined to something. This video is a great reminder to really get myself disciplined right now in my work — so thanks for that! :-)

    I’m curious — what was the detox that you went on?

  36. Julie quick says: December 16, 2013 at 12:37 pm

    Hi Gabby
    This is a real toughie for me. The ridiculous need to be perfect is my ever present demon. This manifests into creating rules for just about everything in life and of course I regularly fall short of the ideals. This then gives ego the chance to run it’s nasty agenda and I end up feeling inadequate and strive more to be “perfect” the next day. Do you have a recommendation to stop the vicious circle?

  37. Amber L Carter says: December 16, 2013 at 1:00 pm

    I so needed to hear this today! Perfect timing ;) I am soooo the relaxed type…I’ll commit to something one day and then completely forget about it the next (until, of course, I’m comfortably in my bed, ready to go to sleep) or will suddenly feel resentful that I agreed to do something that doesn’t involve lying around with the latest copy of US Weekly while I stuff my face with chocolate.

  38. Deborah says: December 16, 2013 at 2:58 pm

    Definitely on the lax side so I’m going to be praying more! Thanks for the great advice!

  39. Devon says: December 16, 2013 at 3:30 pm

    I’m an unhealthy mix of both… start things off with the psychotic mindset (go go go!) and within a few days I find myself slipping back to my old ways… sigh

    1. Gabby says: December 17, 2013 at 9:16 am

      try these tools and see what happens. report back:)

  40. kATIE says: December 16, 2013 at 4:08 pm

    This comes perfectly during finals week! All of your posts have been very reassuring and comes at a time that i need it! Working not to be too lax during exams. Thank you Gabby! :)

  41. Cristina says: December 16, 2013 at 4:58 pm

    I am Psycho. I am trying to chang my eating habits. I am quitting sweets and eating more vegetables and fruits. Did something sort of a cleanse and it was SO HARD! I ate one sweet thing and now I regret…I learned the lesson. My progress is that I look for healthier stuff since I know what is no good for me. And I try to tell myself is the best you could do with the things and knowledge you have.

  42. Roman says: December 16, 2013 at 5:15 pm

    You promote the ideas from the Course in Miracles. According to this course, everything in this world, including the world itself, is an illusion. If so, then what’s the point in being disciplined, not consuming sugar or alcohol at all, going on some drastic cleanse, etc.?

  43. FEONA says: December 16, 2013 at 6:03 pm

    I am coming out of a shift in my life where I’ve finally found myself again. It’s been a long journey. I’ve been reading your books and following you. Today’s vlog could not have come at a time where I was wondering about these 2 feelings. I am both laxed and psychotic. It drives me nuts, but knowing I am not alone helps a lot. I find balance by doing most of what everyone else does above.

  44. Margaret Rosin says: December 16, 2013 at 6:30 pm

    No second guessing here- definitely LAX! Looking back over the last two years I can say that I’ve made some wonderful progress and learned so much, but had I been more disciplined and procrastinated less, who knows how much further I’d be? But I can and will pray for more discipline and guidance to be less distracted with other matters. Thanks Gabby! It’s so comforting to know there are others out there who aren’t exactly “A” type personalities like me.

  45. Michelle Arsenault says: December 16, 2013 at 7:49 pm

    Terrific! I tend to fall between psycho and disciplined. I tend to be pretty disciplined but I have to make an effort to be that way. I love writing, I love phoning my friends and I love working out but man, getting me to that keyboard, phone or running shoes is a whole other story! If I think about it, I don’t want to do it, so it’s just easier just to make a list and get to it! I occasionally have my ‘psycho’ moments but they are manageable compared to a few years ago but I ended up burning out, so you live and you learn. Thanks again!

  46. Jennifer says: December 17, 2013 at 12:18 am

    I tend to be lax and live with my fiancee who is also lax and when we set goals together like eating better, exercising together, etc. we will often enable one another to not be so disciplined and have a tendency to get no where fast. I would love to hear your suggestions on how to stop this madness!

    I once read that discipline is learning to be a disciple unto yourself and is in someways crucial to self love.

  47. Zoraida Cespedes says: December 17, 2013 at 12:37 am

    I am Lax and that gets in my of accomplishing some of my bigger goals. Thank You for great tips. I will use prayer to help me be psycho about the things that I need to be. Like “I do not drink coffee” and “I write 1000 words everyday”.
    I see and feel how repeating theses statements reminds me of my intention.

  48. Vyctorya says: December 17, 2013 at 3:36 am

    Some of us usually enjoy your videos; we would appreciate a public apology, Ms. Bernstein. When you use words like “psycho mode,” “psycho,” and “psychotic,” you are perpetuating a degrading stereotype of humin beings suffering from a serious illness. This language is unintelligent and offensive. Now, some of your patrons, as evidenced in their comments on this page, are following your lead in using degrading language.

    According to the National institute of Mental Health (NIMH), about 1 in 4 adults in America suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder; that’s tens of millions of Americans. Many of them suffer from psychosis. Some in the military suffer from psychosis. In fact, medical conditions other than a mental disorder, like an endocrine disease, can cause psychosis. How is it possible that you or anyone is truly on the path to spiritual wellness when you blatantly use language degrading to others?

    1. E says: January 8, 2014 at 4:43 am

      Totally agree. As someone who has experienced psychosis, it is really disappointing to see people use language like ‘I get a bit psycho’ when they really mean ‘perfectionistic’. This is really ill-informed and stigmatising.

  49. wENDI says: December 17, 2013 at 5:40 am

    Sometimes we need to hear the obvious – today I heard it clearly and as if for the first time. Thank you Gabby! What I took from this clip was – ‘Pray for discipline.’ Powerful! I haven’t done that . . . ever. God bless!

  50. Daniela says: December 17, 2013 at 5:46 am

    Thanks for this. You look radiant!

  51. Brielle says: December 17, 2013 at 9:17 am

    I am definitely too lax, although I notice that whenever I let myself “slide” on these responsibilities I feel very anxious and not relaxed at all. I am afraid to start a project because I fear I will not finish it. Or worse I am afraid to put myself on a rigid structure because I feel like I will be stuck in front of the computer all day (but avoiding the computer often makes me spend more time on it not doing my work). I want to try to pray to be more disciplined because its very necessary for me at the moment to complete my work well and on time and if I don’t pump up my discipline I am going to get caught in the same rut.

  52. Victoria says: December 17, 2013 at 1:36 pm

    Gabby, I love your stuff. Went to your event in London and have had so many shifts. I wanted to feed back that psycho is not the right term for this and might be seen as disrespectful for those who are psychotic. Perfectionist might be a better word, though my therapist says she has issues with it because it implies a judgement on how you are. I love your message so wanted to feed back so it can maybe be clearer as for me it feels muddled with the use of that word.

    1. Julie quick says: December 22, 2013 at 7:32 am

      Victoria, I have used the words “obsessive” or “compulsive” in the place of psycho, which I agree doesn’t show Gabby’s usual sensitivity. I have also been working on the prayer side of things – there are so many ways we can fall short of balance in the holiday season, don’t you think?!! Overall the message is really good for me and a lot of others by the sound of it.

  53. Chrissy says: December 17, 2013 at 3:28 pm

    Great volg!! love this topic.
    Im so relaxed! BUT… I go from one extreme to the other sometimes…
    I’ll go full force into something soak up all the knowledge I can than.. poof!
    Loose complete interest and go onto the next big thing!
    My challenge in finding BALANCE!

  54. Lindsay says: December 17, 2013 at 9:26 pm

    Thank you, thank you, thank you, I am always well intended and solid in most of my commitments. I tend to be more lax when it comes to my diet. I (through months of feeling ill and many many not-so-subtle hints) recently discovered i am gluten-sensitive. This has been another step on the long journey of learning to nourish my body appropriately and am looking for a good cleanse to follow. What do you suggest?

  55. Beth says: December 18, 2013 at 8:09 pm

    Way on the lax side. I find sometimes I just have no motivation to follow through on my previous commitments. Praying mode. Sometimes Im so good and sometimes Im so not haha.

    I have a question though. You said you didn’t want to talk about or get in to your cleanse much because it was ‘gross’. Thats actually exactly what I would like to hear more of from you and other teachers! The willingness to talk about your life when it gets messy or hard or depressing. I would be so stoked if you talk more about this, because sometimes I feel like Im the only one who goes through it, as most mentors just want to talk about positivity all the time. (And for good reason, they feel that the audience would feel lied to if they knew they had their down days and talked about it)

  56. Claire says: December 31, 2013 at 11:21 pm

    I have been lax for years now…wouldn’t mind being a little psychotic to get myself in check. I have a lot to accomplish in 2014. Thanks for the advice! Praying is in my future :) Happy, healthy new year! xo

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